When It's Time To Say Goodbye....

So, I had to go out of town this weekend to attend a homegoing for a dear brother and comrade of mine...

I was stunned and hurt when I found out that he'd joined the ancestors.  I literally had just talked to him, not too long before he had passed.  We had exchanged text messages, and then we both had gotten busy with life.  I didn't find out until a month ago of his passing.  It was a deep shock to me, as the brother was not a sickly person; quite the opposite.  He is/was vegan, a holistic health practitioner, a wellness life coach, vegan chef, certified Reiki massage therapist, as well as being an artivist (artist +  activist).

I returned to Richmond, VA this past weekend; 8 years since I'd originally moved out, after having relocated there the end of '06.  The service was held for him, mostly attended by family, and a few friends and comrades.  I had my emotional moments, but I was glad to have attended, and had the opportunity to say goodbye.  It was also good, as I was able to reconnect with another dear brother/comrade, since our brotherhood has mostly been phone-bound since my relocation....several times over (with my nomadic ass).

I became very reflective afterward.  The ride home on the bus (FUCK GREYHOUND!!!!) gave me a lot of time to think.  I was glad to be able to say goodbye to my dearly departed brother, now that he has joined the ancestors.  At the same time, there were things that troubled me after his transition.  Part of it, is the lack of info as far as his passing is concerned.  I would be able to swallow this better, if he had been a sickly individual, or addicted to drugs, or even if he had died violently at the hands of some knucklehead on the streets.  None of the above applies, so it's a little harder for me to accept.  He was extremely healthy, and health conscious, and knew how to take care of himself.  I guess, that's just one mystery I'll have to live with, until I see him in the other realm...

The other thing that got to me was....how will I be remembered when I'm gone?  There were certain things about the service that left much to be desired, knowing what I personally knew about my now-departed bredren.  How will MY memory and legacy be preserved, and honored when I pass from this realm? Will all of my friends and associates be contacted about my passing, and if/when the funerary rites will be held?  Will my sendoff be to my wishes, and not get convoluted into something that I wouldn't wish for..?  Even if I do leave my funerary wishes written down, will they be honored, and carried out?  How will anyone find my written wishes?  As an independent artivist myself, I have no legal team, or lawyer to help with this; I can barely afford my general basic living expenses....

It also makes me think about the things that I still want to accomplish in life.  I still want to get married, and have children.  I'm still young enough to make that happen.  That actually is a major goal for me right now, despite the current writing career.  Other than the legacy of the Universal Africana Literary Arts Movement still continuing on after my own transition,  I would need to find a dedicated team to put in place to carry that out.  It kind of saddens you a bit....  :'-(

Dedicated to my brother Etaniel Ben Yehuda.....artivist, poet, actor, musician, singer, GREAT bredren/brother/friend/comrade, published author, and SO, SO much more.

Uhuru sasa, y paz.

Etaniel Ben Cohen Yehuda

1977-2018

 

When You Need Some Motivation......

So...kinda continuing from my last post....I'm not really motivated to write anything right about now.  I usually always have a project that I'm working on, even after I've finished publishing my most recent project.  Not to say that I don't have any projects that I'm currently working on; to the contrary.  I actually have several ideas that are still in the early draft phase.  I just don't feel like writing them right about now.

I wouldn't necessarily call it writers block; I know what I want to write for those projects.  It's just that I don't FEEL like writing them down.  It's like I'm wasting my time.  I did the pre-publishing promotion for my latest novel Fiesta Girl (Draft2Digital, 2018), and all I got for it was THREE measly downloads.  Nuccas pressed the 'like' button a whole lot on social media, but ain't nobody really bought/downloaded a copy.

Fuck you, too...

I was thinking about converting two of my other screenplay ideas into novels, as well as completing a few other projects that are still in the 1st draft stage...but, what's the point?  If I can't even get my so-called 'friends' on social media to support my work, how am I going to attract total perfect strangers to purchase my books?

But, ninjas can press a 'like' button for a new mf profile pic, though....smdh....

But....I digress....

I want to get out of this rut, and get back to being creative, again.  Not to say that I'm solely in this to make a profit, but....what's the point of publishing a book, and making it available to the open market, if you're not expecting to make some sort of sales from it?  It's been EIGHT years...I'm kinda sick of grinding already.  I should've gained SOME sort of a fan following by now....ESPECIALLY with all of the activism that I do....

I don't know.  Hopefully, things will change soon enough.  I've got some planning going on behind the scenes that should bear some sort of fruit, coming next week.  I know that I need to continue to be positive, and keep looking forward.  Like I said before...my move out of NYC taught me that I need to have a wee bit more patience.  I just needed this first year to get back on my feet.  Perhaps with this second year, I can finally reach my goals that I'd set for myself after I'd gotten out here.

Only time will tell....

Uhuru sase, y paz.

When You Just In a Shitty Ass Mood....

So, it is now April.  The first third of the year is now in  the books.  In literary circles, it is National Poetry Month.  I have a poetry eBook that is available for download, called "Spittin' Lyrics N Waxin' Poetic" (Draft2Digital, 2015).  You can acquire a copy (through Kindle) from here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FMVCUD6

It is available through various eBook channels.  So, if you are NOT on Kindle, it is also available through other distributors.  Since people always wanna give some damn excuse for not purchasing my stuff, I've made my books available through a wide distribution base.

But.....I digress......

Sales for "Fiesta Girl" (Draft2Digital, 2018) haven't gone the way I planned at all.  We're going into the second month of it's release, and I've only had a total of THREE downloads so far.

Really......?   :-(

What's the fucking point?!?!  Hell, I'm not even getting 'likes' anymore when I share the flippin' links to my works.  But....cats will always wanna post some dumb shit in response to a rant that I'll write online, and say, "How can I support you...?".

Buy/Download a mf book...actually READ it...WRITE a gd review....TRY to get some of your peoples to help support my work!  Yeah...shares of the link(s) are nice, but....have YOU actually read it?  What are you gonna tell ya peoples about my book, when they ask you what it's about, hmmmmmm...?

But....I'm the dumb one here, smdh....

I want to be able to invest further in my writing career, but that is becoming extremely hard to do.  My current day job isn't giving me enough hours to pay for anything, other than my living essentials (dickhead ass boss!!!).  I can't invest in business cards...can't order copies of my book titles to do either a local book signing, or a festival/conference/book fair/convention....can't afford to pay for vendor fees to any conference/book fair/festival/convention that I may want to attend, local or otherwise.  At the same time, I wish that I didn't have to rely on the day job solely to fund everything that I need to do.  I have NINE books published, damn it!!  I should be able to make SOME sort of living off of all my titles.

Yes...I'm ranting!  This shit is frustrating!  Niggas won't support SHIT that you do.  I've done all that I can think of (that is financially possible) to promote my work on a grassroots level, hoping to reach SOMEBODY with my work.  I'm getting sick of this.  If you don't have some sort of machine behind you, pushing your product, it's like people just won't give a damn...

But, y'all will run out to watch some commercial ass movie, financed and created by white folks, profiling and perpetrating like you doing something culturally Black, smdh....

Hopefully, my next post will be more positive.  Sometimes, you just gotta let off some stream....

Literary Progress So Far......

So "Fiesta Girl" (Draft2digital, 2018) has been on the market for about two weeks now.  The sales are as I expected them to be....

.......Utterly dismal.

I created a Facebook event for it....created an email e-blast campaign for it....tagged a bunch of people with the link once it was finally published, aaaaaaaannnnnnnnd......

...absolutely NOTHING!!!!  Just my sister, and one sister/comrade purchased a copy.  Oh...a few people clicked the 'like' button, as usual.  But as far as purchases and downloads are concerned...?

Nada.

Yeah....so that's my literary career in a nutshell.

Makes me just want to delist all of my shit, and just throw in the towel.

I don't believe in that whole 'just-write-for-yourself' bullshit.  If that was the case, then why the hell bother going through the trouble of publishing your book/novel, and bringing your work to market then?!  I might as well just write it up, go to Kinkos or Staples to print out a copy for myself, and call it a day.  Why go through all that extra headache of trying to promote and market your work, then?  Especially if you are independently published, or self-published?!

I have a lot of stories to tell, and I want to tell them.  I've been a storyteller for a VERY long time.  what's the point then, if people seem to not want to hear them?!  Even when I tell people that I'm a published author, they seem unimpressed.  Ummm...how many published authors do YOU know?!?!  Especially someone who has written multiple books....?  I don't do that out of arrogance; damn it, it's what I do for a fucking living!  I know plenty of mf who claim to be rappers, or singers....even poets.  Actual published authors/writers....?  Not so much....not unless I'm traveling within those circles.

I would understand if I was wack, and had no talent.  I've gotten plenty of positive feedback from my work.  Even during  my days as an indie screen writer, people have complimented my work.  I have the gift and the skill...just not the support.

STOP pressing the 'like' button, and START supporting the work!  And it's NOT just me...I know PLENTY of my fellow creative artists who are suffering through the same thing.  Y'all can go out and frivolously spend your money with these commercial entities for shit that you don't need, but when any of us indies creates something and asks....no...BEGS for your support, you look at us with some stupid look on your face, and say dumb shit like, "You shouldn't/can't try to shame me into supporting you", or "How do/can I support you?".

Does Samsung have to tell you how you can  support them whenever they drop some new electronic device?  Does Nike have to tell you how to support them whenever they drop a new sneaker?  Does Hewlett Packard have to tell you how to support them whenever they drop a new computer?  Does Sega or Nintendo when they drop their latest gaming system?

But, I digress.....

Learn to support us.  You can run out, and support some commercial entity that's part of the machine, but you can't seem to support any of us on the independent front?

No wonder they just tell you to just get a job, smdh....

Rant Session: #TheTransplantChronicles3

So, last week was a little frustrating......

During my job hunting adventures out here, things have been going pretty well.  At least I'm getting callbacks and interviews, which is more than what I can say was happening for me back in NYC.  I'm still continuing to cast my reel out there, hoping to eventually snag a job.  I'm hoping that it'll happen soon, because of some other stuff that I'm dealing with, which I'll go into later in this post....

Had a weird experience last week.  I had an interview at one of the local Family Dollar stores out here as an Assistant Manager.  I was quite surprised by the callback, considering that I had just applied literally two day prior.  I connected with my Job Counselor, got a bus pass to be able to go on the interview, and off I went.  I got there quite early, so I walked around a bit before the actual interview, getting myself a bit more familiar with the area.  I was able to kill some time, and finally show up for my interview, still a bit early.  This is when things got weird.....

The interview didn't last very long.  We barely talked for five minutes.  The manager was also a transplant NYer, and we briefly connected on that tip.  Then when she asked me about my experience, I gladly let her know about my work history and job experiences that applied to that particular job and position.  She apparently believed and assumed that I didn't have any retail, or managerial experience....

????????

Um...did I not just tell you about my experiences?!  Did you not read my resume before you fucking called me in here for the interview?!   And, it's fucking FAMILY DOLLAR for crying out loud!!!

So...in her genius...she referred me to walk to this other FD store that was not too far away from her store.  So, I ended up walking up the street, heading for the other store, grumbling to myself a bit.  I make it to the other store, and ask for the manager that she told me to ask for....

The employee that was working there, was staring at me and blinking with a confused look on her face, saying something like, "Ummm......who?!?!"

So apparently...that manager that the first lady told me to talk to, DOESN'T EVEN WORK THERE!!  The manager for THAT store had a different name, and was on vacation to boot, so she wasn't even available.  So, discouraged, I just left my contact information, and went back to the shelter to crash.  I was quite frustrated by that experience, and quite irritated about it, too.  These people tried to get me to do a whole bunch of running around after that, trying to interview with that other manager, but nobody could tell me what friggin store she worked out of.  I just gave up, and moved on.  But, it doesn't end there.....

I fucking HATE the shelter that I'm staying at!!  It's a transitional housing shelter, but it's ran by a Christian group.  These mf care more about trying to convert me to their faith, than anything else.  I don't care for the shady ass preacher that runs the joint.  These people are disorganized, and can be quite trifling.  Maaaaaan...I'm just here to get on my feet, get a job, and gtfoh...THAT'S IT!!!  They want to dominate my time, and control every aspect of my life.  I'm not some junkie, alchi, or felon...I don't have any of those afflictions.  Save that bullshit, and your Jedi mind tricks, for those weak-minded mf who wanna get sucked into your cult; I'm NOT the one!!!

I really can't stand that damn preach who runs the joint.  Nigga always trying to figure me out, so that he can Jedi mind trick me.  Nigga, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!  Save that shit for somebody that actually WANTS to convert to your religious beliefs.  I'm just here for the housing...THAT'S IT!!!  Take that shit back to Philly, where you from!   Nigga had the nerve to get mad at me, cause I wanted to go on a job interview, instead of going out with his ass to Walmart to solicit for his bullshit church. 

Okay...let me get this straight....

You'd rather I go out, and beg people for money for you....instead of going on a job interview, possibly getting a job....where as I can pay my own way, and NOT have to go out and beg for you????

Nigga...ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!?!?!?!  :-O

Yeah, so that was my week, last week.  I'm really hoping to land something soon, so that I can gtfoh, and FINALLY get back to being on my own.  I'll even settle for getting a room someplace else, until I can get my own apartment.  Right now, I'm just trying to maintain, and biding my time.  We're also supposed to be moving, and these ignorant assed people are doing everything last minute, with their disorganized asses. I'm maintaining, and trying to hold on to my sanity.  I'm just holding on for a little bit longer, until shit finally breaks for me.

Wish me luck.....

Spittin' Lyrics N Waxin' Poetic [Poetry Ebook]

My latest literary project!  A poetry book, featuring a collection of previously unreleased material that I've written over the years.  Wanted to show a different side of my creativity this time around.

Available in ebook format ONLY!!!  Available through Nook, Kobo, iTunes, Page Foundry, Scribd, and Oyster. 

Only $2.99!!! ISBN #: 9781516327188

Spread the word, and PLEASE SUPPORT!!!!  

Altered States

I wanted to do something special, considering that this makes my 150th blog post.  Unfortunately, I couldn't come up with anything really significant, other than the subject matter for this particular post.  So, here we go...

Firstly, any and all versions of The Consortium of Afro Latino events are hereby suspended for the remainder of the year, until further notice.  Considering that nuccas never come out to support it anyway, it's one less headache that I have to worry about, as far as organizing is concerned.  Why bother wasting my time putting something together that nobody is going to attend, any?

Secondly, I am concentrating my efforts out of state.  Considering the lack of support that I've received for the past year+, especially with this being my hometown, why continue to waste my efforts in a place where no one is bothering to support you?  I am hoping to relocate OUT of NYC by the fall.  Considering that it's already the first week of August, I have some serious work to do.  I'm already doing my research as far as trying to find employment, and a place to live (I've actually been doing that since early July).  Moving around sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do to reach your goals, and get that support you feel you deserve.

I'm sick of being broke, hungry, and frustrated.  This is NOT what I envisioned when I moved back home, and don't want to continue living like this.  If I wanted to struggle, I would have stayed out on my own, NOT move back home, and deal with other people and their bullshit.  I'm pissed and frustrated at being not supported by so-called 'friends', but yet everybody expects me to bend over backwards to support them.  I felt that I had earned enough respect from people through my activism and support to have them support my literary endeavors; obviously I was wrong.  I shouldn't be spending the majority of my time trying to get motherfuckas that ALREADY know about my books to BUY them.  FUCK clicking the "like" button, or 'favorite'-ing the damn post....BUY the motherfucka already!  How many times you gotta "like" the shit, before you get the fucking hint to buy it?!?!?

Considering my literary versatility, I didn't really want to have to rejoin the corporate workforce.  Unfortunately, I have no choice in the matter now, if I want to be able to survive, and get the hell out of here.  I was hoping that my writing career would bring me some semblance of financial freedom; apparently not, at least, not in this bullshit ass city.  Maybe somewhere else where the cost of living isn't as high, and the people aren't as full of shit.  It's kinda hard not to be bitter, or take this personally.  It feels like I just wasted the last year+ of my life, and for what?!?!  Let me go someplace else where my work will probably be more appreciated, and niggas don't have their heads up their own asses.  Everybody out here is a fucking expert and authority figure, yet they have absolutely NO resume' in the field that you're in.

So, hopefully, I'm on to better things.  Hopefully I can make this move, and my luck will change.  The sooner that I can get the hell out of here, the better.  I'm at that point already; time to move the hell on.  I've had enough, and am looking for greener pastures.  Here's to the success of my plans...

Black Latina Movement: "Of Mothers And Men" (New Play)

Representing for my sisters at the Black Latina Movement!!!!

Come out to see their new play, "Of Mothers of Men", running from February 25th-March 1st!!!  Their production will be running at the Shelter Studios & Theaters, 244 West 54th Street in New York, NY.  Showtime starts at 8pm; on March 1st showtime is at 4pm.

A brief description of this theatrical production:
"Derived from the American classic Of Mice and Men, Of Mothers and Men explores the varying relationships between women, their mothers, and the men in their lives. This monologue driven piece, comprised of 9 vignettes, dives into the pivotal roles of two of the most influential people in one's life."

Tickets for the show can be purchased at the Black Latina Movement website (shown in the above poster), or through Brown Paper Tickets.  Here is the link to purchase the tickets:

 http://ofmothersandmen.brownpapertickets.com/

PLEASE HELP TO SPREAD THE WORD!!!!  PLEASE come out and support our sisters in the movement!!!  It's time that we told OUR stories, and came out to SUPPORT them!!

Uhuru sase, y paz!!!

Juan Flores (1943-2014)

This blog is dedicated to a dear friend and mentor of mine, Juan Flores.  Juan is/was a scholar, author, and activist, being the co-founder and co-director of the Afrolatin@ Forum.  I've been fortunate enough to have had interactions with him, and be able to consider him my friend.

Juan passed away on the morning of Tuesday, December 2nd.  I checked my email that afternoon, and saw the e-blast sent out by his organization about his passing.  I was both stunned and hurt, having just seen him this past October at the Forum's Afrolatin@s Now! Conference, and having had the opportunity to talk to him.  I was lucky enough to see him a few times this past summer at other Forum related events, and get to share some laughs and quality time with him.  I felt better about seeing him, now that I was permanently back in NYC.  This would give me the opportunity to, not only come out and support the Forum more, but also to work with him on any other projects that they were doing, or that I would like to do with them jointly.

This is a deep loss for me; I don't have too many people out there that I can truly count on as friends and comrades in the struggle.  There are actually VERY few of us out there that are truly dedicated to instituting change, and fighting for the cause.  I especially liked Juan because he is/was a very warm, friendly, and personable type of personality.  I never felt like he was ever talking down to me, or that he didn't respect my opinion or ideological persuasion because of my age.  I don't really get that from a lot of older people, especially those that want to claim the status of 'elder' in the community.  To be considered an elder is a right that needs to be earned, not given just because you've reached a certain age.  Juan was truly an elder in my eyes, and was just as vibrant as any youthful activist.

So, this is deeply dedicated to my dear friend Juan Flores.  May you rest in power in the ancestral plane, and may I make you happy with all of my achievements and accomplishments.

Libertad ahora!!!
Uhuru sase, y paz

 

(Miriam Jimenez Roman <his wife>, myself, and Juan Flores; Baltimore, 2011)

 (Juan at the recent Afrolatin@s Now! Conference in 2014)