The Struggles of Indie Authors/Creatives [***RANT SESSION***]

 For those of you that actually pay attention to my videos, this is the continuation of an episode of "The Rough Draft" that I shot; Episode #48, to be exact.  Felt the need to blow off some steam, and set the record straight, and apparently...I need to blow off a little more steam.  Been feeling really frustrated & disrespected lately, and I think that I need to go deeper in depth...

As an indie author, I'm carrying the same mentality that I had when I was still involved in the film & television world, being a screenwriter; I wanna work in the industry, not for it.  I choose to be independently published b/c I know the headache of trying to find a (decent) agent, or at least, a good small publisher to publish your book.  Also, you know your story best, so you know how & who to market your book to, no matter what genre that you write in.  I know plenty of authors that write speculative fiction that can attest to that.  Not to mention, the rash of consolidation within the publishing industry within the last two decades, or so...?  The publishing world is getting smaller & smaller by the day (if not, the waning minutes).

 

At the same time...I don't have an MFA.  I have no connections to any literary nonprofit organizations.  I've never held a fellowship.  Nor do I have a well paying day job that allows me the financial flexibility to pay for reviews, or a publicist.  My hashtag #AlwaysOnMyLiteraryGrind has meaning BECAUSE I'm actually ON my literary grind!!  Whatever accolades (which ain't many) that I receive, it's because of my hard work to promote my shit, & get the word out to the public.  NOBODY helps me to do shit, when it comes to my writing career.  My grind is really MY grind.  Nobody promotes my books for me, or does any type of outreach for my books.  I've even created a mf video series to help me promote my writing career in "The Rough Draft" (that apparently nobody watches).

 

It's a little infuriating to see people just brush you off, and dismiss any & everything that you do, as if it's big joke, and nothing to be taken seriously.  They don't watch the videos & comment, they don't buy & review your books, nor do they come out to any events that you organize and/or participate in.  Out of the fourteen books that I've published, I'd pre-promoted the last seven books ahead of their publication.  Hardly anybody joined the gd Facebook Events that I created for them; I didn't even crack TWENTY people to accept the invite. Whats' the fucking point?!?!?!  😡😡😡😡😡     

The sales afterward have been even more abysmal.  Htf is it that I know all of these different people, activist,  & organizations, but can't get none of you mf bastards to buy a copy of my books?!  And, even if you do actually buy it, do you even bother to read it, and leave a fucking review for it, or even recommend it to your circle of friends and associates...?  Hell...I'd be happy with a personal dialog with you, just to get your feedback on the book. At least then I'll know that you actually read the motherfucka!  Which character(s) did you like...?  What worked for you?  What didn't..?  What was your favorite chapter/scene...?  What character(s) didn't you like/hated..?  Did I intend for you to hate them, or did you just not like the way I wrote that/those character(s)...?  This is the type of feedback that I'm looking for & crave; they make me a better writer.  It also lets me know if I achieved my goal with that particular book, as far as your response is concerned.  Or...I know that you're not the right audience for that particular book, depending on your response/understanding of that particular book.

Would it kill you to actually watch the episodes of my vlog series, and leave a mf comment?!?!  Even if you don't have a YouTube account, can you nuccas say SOMETHING under the post?!?!  None of that 'good job' bullshit; that's so fucking generic.  Say something about the mf episode, whatever tf the discussion topic is!  Don't just press the 'like' button, and keep it mf moving!  I hate that shit!!!  It is so mf disrespectful!!  This isn't a mf joke to me; it's my calling, my mf career!!!  How would you like it , if I acted all dismissive about something that you were passionate about...that you felt was your purpose in life...?  Writing the books...producing the vlog series...and promoting the books is VERY time consuming!!

STOP acting as if my writing career is some huge joke!  It's not a fucking hobby that I don't take seriously, or don't really care about! I'm not some one-shot bucket lister, writing a book just to say that I wrote a mf book, and check it off my bucket list!  I've been writing for fucking YEARS!!!  Just because some of you out there don't have any passions, that doesn't mean that I don't!  I need more out of life, other that just getting liquored up, getting high, or randomly getting sexed up!

Feel however you want to feel about this post; I couldn't give a shit.  I'm tired of feeling disrespected, and not supported.  You dumb niggas know that my shit it out here, available in more that one format, I might add...but still won't support my career, or my books.  But...you niggas will jump on any bandwagon, and prop up some author with a name, because the mainstream media (white ppl) told you to do so.  Fuck y'all.

That's my rant session....

When You Just In a Shitty Ass Mood....

So, it is now April.  The first third of the year is now in  the books.  In literary circles, it is National Poetry Month.  I have a poetry eBook that is available for download, called "Spittin' Lyrics N Waxin' Poetic" (Draft2Digital, 2015).  You can acquire a copy (through Kindle) from here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FMVCUD6

It is available through various eBook channels.  So, if you are NOT on Kindle, it is also available through other distributors.  Since people always wanna give some damn excuse for not purchasing my stuff, I've made my books available through a wide distribution base.

But.....I digress......

Sales for "Fiesta Girl" (Draft2Digital, 2018) haven't gone the way I planned at all.  We're going into the second month of it's release, and I've only had a total of THREE downloads so far.

Really......?   :-(

What's the fucking point?!?!  Hell, I'm not even getting 'likes' anymore when I share the flippin' links to my works.  But....cats will always wanna post some dumb shit in response to a rant that I'll write online, and say, "How can I support you...?".

Buy/Download a mf book...actually READ it...WRITE a gd review....TRY to get some of your peoples to help support my work!  Yeah...shares of the link(s) are nice, but....have YOU actually read it?  What are you gonna tell ya peoples about my book, when they ask you what it's about, hmmmmmm...?

But....I'm the dumb one here, smdh....

I want to be able to invest further in my writing career, but that is becoming extremely hard to do.  My current day job isn't giving me enough hours to pay for anything, other than my living essentials (dickhead ass boss!!!).  I can't invest in business cards...can't order copies of my book titles to do either a local book signing, or a festival/conference/book fair/convention....can't afford to pay for vendor fees to any conference/book fair/festival/convention that I may want to attend, local or otherwise.  At the same time, I wish that I didn't have to rely on the day job solely to fund everything that I need to do.  I have NINE books published, damn it!!  I should be able to make SOME sort of living off of all my titles.

Yes...I'm ranting!  This shit is frustrating!  Niggas won't support SHIT that you do.  I've done all that I can think of (that is financially possible) to promote my work on a grassroots level, hoping to reach SOMEBODY with my work.  I'm getting sick of this.  If you don't have some sort of machine behind you, pushing your product, it's like people just won't give a damn...

But, y'all will run out to watch some commercial ass movie, financed and created by white folks, profiling and perpetrating like you doing something culturally Black, smdh....

Hopefully, my next post will be more positive.  Sometimes, you just gotta let off some stream....

Musings: The Ujamaa Effect (or lack thereof)

Since my return, I've been to at least three different festivals so far; two that I participated in as a vendor, and one that I just attended (and illegally vended).  With the first two, I helped to (imho) heavily promote those events because I was actively participating in them as a vendor.  The third was one that I was just hoping to attend, and be able to enjoy as an attendee.  With the activism that I do in/for the literary arts, I don't get the opportunity to attend and enjoy these events as I would like to.

What really disturbed me was the lack of commerce and support being given by the attendees with the vendors present.  The attitude that you sensed from the crowd was really a superficial one; they just came to show up, and show off.  They wanted to give the appearance of being so damn deep and cultural, but didn't really support the vendors that were there, myself included.  Certain attendees acted like they couldn't give you the time of day; as if you were beneath them.

#1-  If you're a female, I AM NOT trying to get with you!  I'm trying to make a sale.  This is how some of us make our livelihood(s).  We can't step up our game if you don't financially support us.  Our products cost money to make/purchase, vending fees have to be covered, travel expenses need to be addressed, etc.

#2-  If you don't support the vendors, they won't be able to participate in events like this.  If they don't participate in events like these, the organizers can't organize these events.  If the organizers can't put together these types of events, THEY WON'T EXIST ANYMORE!!!  Do you see a pattern forming here...?

#3-  You're NOT that deep or cultural.  You come to these events 'playing' African, wearing your 'African' costume.  You come to these events frontin' like you so damn deep and cultural, when after the event is over, you go back to being your ignorant, ratchet-ass self.  You're more willing to come out of pocket to buy some $1000 smartphone, or $250 pair of shoes/sneakers, but wanna bitch at a vendor to pay $10 for a fucking book, DVD, or CD?!

#4-  Not saying that there should be a dress code, but HTF you gonna come to a 'cultural' event dressed like anything?!?!  Your booty cheeks are hanging out of your shorts, you're wearing the tightest dress(es) known to man, or you're wearing little to nothing in way of clothing attire.  C'mon...really?!  But you so damn deep and African...

#5-  If you have NO intention of buying anything, YTF you bother coming out?!?!?!  That's a waste of everyone's time.  Cultural events like these are not about you being seen; it's about supporting the cause/purpose of the event, and supporting the businesses/entrepreneurs participating in the event.

We can't complain about not having such-and-such business(es) in our neighborhoods if we don't support our own businesses/entrepreneurs.  We can't complain about having 'alien' businesses in our communities if we don't support our businesses first and foremost.  The power of economics and spending habits speaks volumes to your priorities, and economic power and political influence.

If you have a nickle-and-dime mentality, you're gonna get nickel-and-dime results.

Think about that.... 

Rant Session: Nigroes with ITGS

Okay....I normally don't involve myself with pop culture issues, but this one has been working my nerves for quite a while.  It's gotten to the point where I feel that I can no longer keep my mouth shut about this issue.  Now...what is it that has gotten me all hot and bothered?  It's the 'controversy' over having Zoe Saldana playing Nina Simone in a soon-to-be-released biopic.  Nigroes have been complaining about her being grossly miscast to play her in the film, and want to say some very disparaging things about Zoe. 

The bottom line...?  Nigroes talk too fucking much!

That's right, I said it!  And yes...I MEANT to spell it that way.  Niggas + Negroes = Nigroes.  Motherfuckas think that just because they have internet access and an opinion, think that their opinion is fact and law.

IT'S NOT!!!!  FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD!!!!

I like Zoe as an actress.  I've seen a number of her films before she became a star.  I think that she is talented, and deserves her props.  I may not always agree with her politics (she IS a celebrity after all, and might back a cause that I don't), but I respect her as an artist.  The majority of these fake-ass Nigroes aren't even as political as they be frontin' to be.  Y'all AIN'T conscious!  You just have ITGS; Internet Tough Guy/Girl Syndrome.  You talk shit because you're hiding behind a computer, and can't nobody step to you physically.  You dumb Nigroes probably don't even support any REAL Black films; just that wack-ass Tyler Perry-ass bullshit.

So what if she darkened her skin to play the role?!  Forest Whitaker did the SAME THING to play Idi Amin in "Last King of Scotland".  Did you dumb Nigroes say anything about that?  There have been PLENTY of times where you had an actor/tress play a real life person that they didn't look like.  Denzel is a WONDERFUL actor, but he DID NOT look like brother minister Malcolm.  Morgan Freedman played the brother minister in "Death of a Prophet"; AGAIN, he didn't look like the man.  I believe that even James Earl Jones played the brother minister in a film; AGAIN...HE DID NOT LOOK LIKE HIM!

Where were you dumb fucking Nigroes when that happened?

Or...is it something else?  Is it because of her nationality?  What...first Afro Latinos "don't claim our blackness" enough for you stupid asses, and now...she's not black ENOUGH?!?!?!?!

GTFOH!!!!

You can't have it both ways.  Just because the internet allows you the opportunity to express your opinion, that doesn't make your opinion law, nor does it make it RIGHT!  You dumb Nigroes have probably never even supported a Black film festival before, much less a real Black film.

Do I really expect Hollywack to accurately tell our stories?  OF COURSE NOT!  But...she's a talented actress, and will probably do a great job.  Half you dumb ass Nigroes out there probably don't even OWN any Nina Simone recordings, but wanna talk a bunch of shit online.  You probably barely know her by name, and have NEVER listened to her music.

My advice...?  Unplug, and take a chill pill.  Stop talking a bunch of shit online, and get a fucking clue.  You half-stepping, unconscious ass, pseudo-militant internet wannabes need to seriously STFU, and need to really learn the ideology.  Stop talking some bullshit rhetoric that you don't even truly understand!   Fuck you, and your online blogs and petitions!  Where is all that bullshit when Mista Charlie be putting an ass whuppin' on your community via the police?  Where was all this fire and vitriol when our communities were getting gentrified like crazy?  But nah....Y'ALL dumb ass Nigroes wanna get online, and get upset over some bullshit ass movie.

SMGDMFH.....

Blackout/Power Outage 2012

On Friday night, June 29th, a terrible storm ripped through the Mid Atlantic region of the eastern United States.  High winds, torrential rains, and lightning storms raged through the sky.  I was online when the storm initially hit, and didn't even hear it above the buzz of my AC unit, which I had JUST bought earlier that day.  Earlier in the day, it had been very hot and unbearably humid; there weren't previously any calls for storms that evening.  When my door keep flying open because of the high winds, I rushed to close the open windows that I had in my apartment, keeping the rain water from getting inside.  I then went back into my room, and continued my online endeavors.  I had finally finished up by about 10 minutes to eleven o'clock, shut down my computer, and turned off my lights, hoping to get a nice cool good night's sleep for once.

Then....the power went out at around 11:15pm or 11:20pm.

I was PISSED!!!!

My AC unit went out...then the lights from my clock radio went dark.

Okay...that's not normal.

My initial impulse was that I had blow a circuit with the AC unit, but quickly dismissed that when my clock radio went out.  Then I thought...maybe I blew a fuse just in my bedroom...?  I went into my living room, and tried to turn on the TV.

No dice...

I then went to the kitchen to see if my fridge was still working.
Nope....light was out.  It wasn't humming

Damn....I was caught in the middle of a blackout.  Without air conditioning.  In the middle of a heatwave.

F**K!!!!!!!!
@%#$^}|~*!!!!!!

Eventually, I was without power for about two days.  I had to suffer through the heat, and lack of access to food and liquids.  I had to drink tap water to stay hydrated.  My power finally came back Sunday afternoon.  Needless to say I was ecstatic.  Finally.....AIR!!!!!

I must admit...at the same time...I felt really demoralized after my power came back, looking at the aftermath of the blackout.   As a proud member of the 'conscious' community, and a community/cultural activist, I felt foolish at the level of powerlessness that I felt individually, and the utter unpreparedness of the so-called 'conscious' community overall.  We were totally ill-prepared to handle a situation like this.  Where were our relief efforts to save our struggling community members, suffering without power, food, and water? Are we even organized to handle such an event?  All we have to do is look at the example of Hurricane Katrina and Rita to see how unprepared we are to handle a natural disaster.

Is there anyone out there in the Pan Africanist/Black Nationalist community that has a contingency plan in place for an event such as this?  And, I don't mean an individual plan, just for themselves or their immediate family.  What sort of plans do we have in place to help our community if another (natural) disaster such as the blackout were to occur again?   Forget FEMA and the Red Cross; what plans have we developed to protect our people if such an event were to happen again, or any natural disaster?

Seeing situations like these arising just helps to reinforce the reason why a lot of people in our community don't really respect the 'conscious' community.  We spew all this rhetoric, and make all of these strong statements....but when a situation like the blackout arises...we're caught with our pants down just as much as the Average Joe.  We weren't any more prepared than the so-called 'unconscious' members of our community, at least, not on any mass scale.  We need to improve on that, and do more showing and proving.  I think that too many of us in the so-called 'conscious' community become arrogant and elitist just because we know a little something, something.  How about we start putting some of that talk into practical application?


Organize.
Strategize.
MOBILIZE!!!

Uhuru Sase, y paz

Solidarity and the Sexes: Does it Exist?

I've had some recent experiences that make me ask this question.  It's been bothering me for quite some time now....

I remember back a number of years ago, I'd have to say about five years, that I remember a particular experience that this situation reminds me of.  I was still living in NYC, working at a condo in Manhattan at the time.  I had just gotten off work, pulling one of my graveyard shifts that I worked at that time.  I wanted to enter one of my screenplays into one of the local Black film festivals; they were holding a screenplay competition with the rest of their festival.  I felt that my chances were good, and that the concept of the script was pretty strong.  I decide to make copies of it, and mail it out on my next free day.

I get home from work, change my clothes, and head to the local Staples that was close to the house where I was living.  Normally, I would try to go a a Black-owned business, but unfortunately, none of the local Black print shops made bound copies for bulk documents.  Anyway...I made it to Staples with my script in tow.  I waited on line so that I could be serviced.  Ahead of me, this young sista was being tended to by the Service Rep (also a sista) behind the desk.  Quite obviously, she was trying to apply for a job.  I patiently waited, watching the two women interact with each other.  It actually brought a smile out of me, being able to witness some sisterly solidarity among my people, especially when it comes to finding employment.  The Sales Rep was giving the young sista pointers, telling her the ins and outs of Staples' application process, even letting her know which stores that she should apply to because she knew first hand that they had vacancies open.

After a few minutes, they wrapped up their business, and the young sista left.  I step up in line, still smiling after watching their exchange, feeling proud to have witnessed my people working together in a positive manner.  The Rep turns to me, frowns, and responds with an attitude, "May I help you?!"

?????????

WTF?!?!?!?!

I had to pause.  That really caught me off guard.  I had stood there patiently, not making a nuisance of myself, not even becoming aggravated for having to wait.  I had even pulled out my script from my book bag, just so that I wouldn't waste anyone else's time who was also on line.  Considering that I had just finished being up all night, I wasn't in a crab ass mood.  Then this chick wants to hit me with an attitude...and for what?!

My response?  I slapped my script down on the counter (134 pages), and sternly replied, "Two copies...bound".

Obviously, she was shocked.  You can tell that she was embarrassed by my reaction. I wasn't there to hit on her, or beg for a job that she felt I probably didn't deserve.  I was there for business....period.  She got to work printing up the two copies of my script, asking me questions as to my needs, trying to make up for the way she initially treated me.  I wasn't having none of it.  I just gave her very direct, one-word answers.  She printed up my copies, bound them up, and handed them to me.  I paid for my copies, and was seriously ghost afterwards.

That's not the first time that I've had experiences like that.  I often hear women, especially sisters, complaining about the ill treatment that they receive from men in the street.  Of course, I hear a strange silence from them when men complain about ill treatment that they receive from women that was totally uncalled for.  If you weren't approached or treated in a disrespectful manner...then what the fuck is with the damn attitude?!?!?!

If we are unable to get along with each other, then our people are doomed.  If brothers and sisters can't cordially interact with each other, then we will cease to exist as a people in a few short years.  It's bad enough that we have to deal with the Black-on-Black violence that's pervasive in our communities; when the sexes can't even get along with each other, we'll NEVER be able to move forward as a people.

Even out here in Baltimore, I get annoyed when I'm walking into a business, and the sisters that work there act like they can't even speak to you.  Of course, that could also mean that the young people here just have piss poor customer service skills, but that's another matter for another day.

What say you all?