The Changing Tides....

 So....things are starting to get a liiiittle bit better.  I've got one more week before I can move into my apartment.  so, in essence...I'll be back to actually having a roof over my head, again.  Man...when I tell you that the struggle has been real, I ain't bullshitting you... 😢😢😢😢😢

I'm still ducking & dodging, hiding out and sleeping at the day job.  I'm still stressing, since I don't want to get caught before I can move into my new apartment.  I tried to rent a cheap ass hotel room for the weekend, and ended up paying only for one night.  These assholes wanted $135 for just ONE fucking night!!  It was a cheap ass, two-star hotel for crying out loud.  GTFOH 😡😡😡😡😡!!  It felt good to sleep in a bed again, though.  It also felt good to finally leave the premises of the fucking day job, and not have to worry about sneaking back in, or looking over my shoulder while sleeping there, hoping not to get caught.  I soooo cannot wait for when I move in!! 😌😌😌😌

Once I'm in the new place, I can concentrate on enjoying my life.  I can work on shooting episodes of "The Rough Draft", and working on my unfinished manuscripts.  Now that I have a fairly regular schedule, I can work on consistently posting episodes, and doing other things to boost my writing career.  I can worry about furnishing the apartment down the line.  i don't really need much; maybe just add a few more books that I want to read.  I can always find a way to use milk crates as a book shelf, or something.  Hey...you gotta learn to be frugal with your money, these days...  

It'll be good to not have to spend a shit load of money, just to maintain a roof over my head.  That fucking hotel that I was living out of was killing me, financially.  My new apartment is only a few hundred bucks a month, plus paying utilities, and maintaining my phone bill.  I don't think that they provide internet for my apartment, but the building does have their own wifi.  I might be able to get away with using it, for the time being.  I'll et you guys know how that works out... 

I need my life to get back to normal.  I feel so out of whack, it ain't even funny. Normalcy is the key.  Once i have a roof over my head, everything else should/will fall into place.  I still like being in Raleigh; I just need my life to get back into sync.  Maybe, after everything settles, I'll be able to enjoy my life a little bit more.  I don't like being in the mental and emotional space that I'm in, right now.  It's completely throwing me off my game, and making me miserable.  At l east i see some light at the end of this tunnel..

 

I'll keep you guys updated after the move.

 

Uhuru sasa, y paz....

The Struggle is REEEEEEEAAAAL!!!! :-(

 I'm going through a really, really tough period in my life, right about now....  😢😢😢😢

Financially speaking, I'm broke. Trying to get this apartment, and trying to pay for this expensive ass hotel has almost completely drained my finances.  I'm literally homeless right now.  I'm surviving by illegally sleeping at my day job, and working some serious overtime hours, where I don't necessarily have to go 'home'.  No book sales are coming in, and my last paycheck wasn't as beneficial as I thought.  Not to mention, I get paid every two weeks, so it's a long stretch of time before I can get any money in my pocket.  I couldn't have written a worse situation for any of my characters... 😢😢😢😢

Technically, I've been homeless since I moved out here, living out of a hotel.  I can't even do that now, since I can't afford to stay there.  Now, I have NO place to stay.  I don't even know if I'll be able to afford to move into this new apartment that I'm trying to get.  I've never hit bottom like this, before.  I'm trying to stay positive & hopeful, but...this is A LOT to deal with.  Nobody really knows about my situation; I'm too ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone.  Only my new department head, and a handful of associates out here know what's going on with me. 😔😔😔😔

At least if I had some residual income from book sales, this experience wouldn't be so bad.  I would be able to have at least something in my pocket.  Hell, I might have been able to afford to stay at that price gouging ass hotel a little bit longer, if I had any additional money coming in.  Such is the state of my writing career; people can press a fucking 'like' button, but refuse to buy shit.

 

At least when I'm at work, I'm distracted about my situation.  Once my shift ends, though...I'm reminded that I have no place to go, once I clock out for the day/shift.  Working overtime hours helps because that's putting some much needed money in my pocket, but having to wait for that next paycheck is painful and scary.

 

I really pray that I can get into this new apartment.  I need for this to come through for me.  I can't really live like this.  The price for the apartment is one that I can live with, and I know that this new job will provide me with the hours needed to maintain it.  Furnishing the new apartment should be easy; I have contacts at my old job that I can reach out to, to help me with that.  I just need a place where I can lay my head, and I don't have to worry about coming out of pocket to maintain it every few days.

I've been sending prayers to the Creator & the ancestors.  I hope that they are listening, and doing what they can from the ancestral realm.  I just need everything to line up for me, and come through.

Keep me in your thoughts....

😢😢😢😢😔😔😔😔