Women's Herstory Month: My High School Crush

Keeping with the theme of Women's History Month, I've decided to repost an entry I had originally posted as a Facebook Note.  It was part of a series of Notes that I had written called "Funny Stories" that I am currently compiling as a manuscripts project.  This particular entry tells of a girl that I had had a crush on all throughout my high school years, and the deep influence that she had on me as a person.  This was meant to be a bit of an insight into my personality, and to be quite amusing.  Please enjoy....

MY HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH

"Back in the days, when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore....
But some days, I sit and wish I was a kid again..."
– Amahd; “Back in the Day”

Thinking back in the days during my youth, pretty much I have fond memories. I always tell everybody that my childhood was great...it was my adolescents that sucked. It was a hard time for me to go through, and I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy (actually, that's a bold face lie...I'm kinda evil like that). But...if I had one positive and blissful memory from my teenage years...it was that of my high school crush. Her impact on my life was quite strong and long lasting. Wanna hear about it? Like a here it, here it goes....

Since I'm too broke for a lawsuit, and I'm not trying to catch a hood beat down...lets' call her "KC".

I met KC during our freshman year in high school. We shared the same ninth period Sequential Math Class with Mr. Sparnroft. From the moment that I saw her walk into the classroom, I though that she was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I couldn't stop staring at her. If memory serves me correctly, she had on a blue denim outfit, a yellow hoodie, white sneakers, and wore her hair pulled back in a pony tail. This golden goddess was THE most beautiful young woman that I had ever had the pleasure to meet. She was VERY attractive, intelligent, and had a lot of spunk to her. She was my kind of woman...

So...why not approach?

Simply put...I didn't have a chance.

It had nothing to do with her...it had to do with me. I HATED high school. Not to mention...my rep was in the toilet. That fact didn't help me out with the ladies AT ALL. I got labeled something that I wasn't, and I became a target for every ignorant, low life hood rat and hoochie mama in school...rotten ass, ghetto ass buncha mother f--....

I'm sorry....am I venting?ANYWAY.....
 
KC was beautiful. I watched her from afar, wishing to be with her more than anything. Despite my misery, she was the one good things that I looked forward to everyday in pris-....oops! I mean, in high school. Seeing KC in class made high school just that much more bearable. We never really hung out together, but we were very cordial to each other. That just made my feelings for her deepen even more.

I didn't see much of KC during our sophomore year. We didn't have any classes together that year, so I wasn't able to get close to her. It didn't matter, considering that my depression worsened, and my hatred for my high school deepened. My only saving grace was if I was lucky enough to see her in the halls on my way to class, or if she happened to skip into my lunch period. As much as I wanted to be with her, and desired her...I still felt unworthy of gaining her affections. These rotten hoodrats that I went to pris-...er, high school with made my life a living hell. My self confidence and esteem were shot all to hell...my rep was STILL in the toilet....I just couldn't win. Damn, I'm saying...can a n*gga just be?! Can you back up OFF a brotha?! What the f--.....

I'm sorry....I'm venting again....

Back to the story....

It wasn't until junior year that I had classes with KC again. I was really happy about that. She was growing into a beautiful woman now...becoming more sultry and sophisticated by the day. I continued to admire her from afar, but stepped up my game a little bit. Every chance I could get, I would shower her with compliments. I did my best to be a gentleman, and held open the door for her whenever I saw her coming up the stairs behind me, or I would let her exit first. I loved seeing that smile of hers everyday; those juicy lips, those captivating eyes...just experiencing her whole aura whenever she smiled. To be so close to her...yet for her to still be out of my reach. I could only shake my head, and wonder "what if....?"

Then a wonderful thing happened....

I got back my self esteem and self confidence! I grew a backbone! I gained back my self respect!
Well...I had to become an angry militant to do that....but you get my drift.

I became WHOLE again. I was truly myself for once. I was finally able to be ME!!!!! I was ready to take on the whole world...or at least everybody in my pris-...er, high school.

...Literally! Why do you think that I was always getting into a fight damn near every day? 

SENIOR YEAR!!!!!!!!!
 
The time had finally arrived! My sentence was almost over...I was about to be freed from that wretched institution. My reputation had improved, and my life at school became more bearable. But...with my newfound level of self confidence, I still had one nagging thought...

What if I could get with KC?

I couldn't leave without knowing. I didn't want to leave pris-...er, high school without ever knowing what might have been had I at least ATTEMPTED to express my affections for her. I got to see her everyday since we had a gym class together first thing in the morning. But still, I didn't want to leave pris-...er, high school with any regrets.

So what did I do?

I made up my mind. It's going to be my mission in life before I graduate. I am GOING to ask KC to be her boyfriend, or die trying!!!! ...Or, at least graduate with an answer.

I hatched a foolproof plan. I worked it ever so cleverly to perfection. I would nonchalantly inquire as to her relationship status at school. No boyfriend? GOOD! She's not dating any of the guys here at this rat hole. That means no competition...or an embarrassing beatdown in front of the whole school.

After inquiring about any potential boyfriends at our high school, I decided to write her the most WONDERFUL piece of poetry ever known to man. The master plan was this...there were at least three weeks of school left before winter break. I would send her a lovely piece of poetry each week, expressing my affections for her, gaining her heart and mind. Then...right before Christmas break...I would reveal myself to her...HOPEFULLY with her falling madly in love with me. What a wonderful Christmas present, right?

That was the plan....and if you know me....my plans NEVER go as planned.

I had written her the poem, and put it in a white envelope. I had a dear friend look out for me, and get the poem to her, since he had a late class with her. I gave him the note, and off the plan went. Here is what happened afterward (the next day)....

 FOURTH PERIOD...
I meet my man "Rod' in class (he's the friend that gave the poem to KC). I asked him what happened.
He got her the poem...
She LOVED IT! Was deeply flattered by it...
Asked Rod who had sent it to her.....
He protected me, saying that it was a secret admirer.....
....And I got dimed out by one of KC's friends!

You see...stupid me...if you're going to send someone any ANONYMOUS piece of writing....DON'T WRITE IT IN YOUR OWN HANDWRITING!!!!!!

My excuse? "But...but....I wrote it neatly so that she couldn't tell that it was me!!"

I was busted....my plan was ruined! It hadn't even been a week (hell, a DAY!!), and I had been figured out already...

 FIFTH PERIOD.....
I walked to my next class (which was right next door), and sat down, not in the best of moods. I saw my man "Ed" sitting across from me. He sees me....smiles, and says, "Go Kev!!!!"

You mean, you KNOW??!??!

"Uh, yeah...I was in the same class with KC."
 

GROOOOOOAAAANNNNN!!!!!

To make matters worse...that's when Ed dropped an even BIGGER bomb on me....
"Uh...you DO know that she has a boyfriend, right?"

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

"Yeah...he just doesn't go to school here....."

GROOOOOOAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!

My plans were all shot to hell. I had been discovered...and I didn't even THINK to consider that maybe...JUUUUUST maybe....she might have been dating someone OUTSIDE of our pris-..er, high school!!!!
Ain't this some shit?!
The WHOLE damn school probably knows my business by now...or at least the entire senior class.

 SIXTH PERIOD.....
That's right... the story doesn't end there...

The bell rang, and I left for my next class. I was feeling pretty low about how everything turned out. My next class was down the hall from where my last class was, and I started heading towards there, head down and spirits low. I look up...and GUESS WHO I see standing in front of my sixth period class talking to one of her friends?

KC

She was beautiful. I was scared shitless. I stopped walking.

What am I gonna do? Well, I COULD just cut my class.....
Oh wait...my teacher saw me earlier that day! SHIT...I can't do that!
Oh well....time to face the music.

I took a deep breath...sucked it up, and continued to walk to my class.

KC finally saw me approaching. She smiled the prettiest smile I'd ever seen her wear. I was deeply in love, and totally embarrassed at the same time. I tried my best to muster up a smile, said hello...and slinked into my classroom full of shame and embarrassment. KC's friend look at me as if I was a weirdo (a look that I got A LOT in high school), looked at her and asked, " What was THAT all about?!"

"Oh, you don't know? let me tell you..."

So KC told her, and her friend turned to me all wide-eyed. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I got up, and walked to the back of my classroom, my embarrassment in overdrive.

If you couldn't tell...KC LOVED the poem! Unfortunately, she was already spoken for. She was very impressed. Of course, I could never shake off the embarrassment that I felt. I remember giving her a Christmas card that year. I remember writing, "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...and let's just forget that stupid note that I wrote you".

Never underestimate the power of the written word. She liked what I wrote her. KC told me so when she signed my senior yearbook. I really appreciated that. I also treasure it more than anything.

SO.....

Time went on. We finished out the year, and graduated. We ended up going our separate ways, never to hear from each other again for a number of years. I had gone to college out of state, only to return 2 years later. By that time, she had left the state.

She had a very strong affect on me. I've named a few characters after her in a few of my screenplays. When I thought that I was an emcee, I wrote a rhyme about her. Hell, I still have the original lyrics to this day. Hell, I can STILL remember the first four lines of the poem that I wrote her! She definitely got me to step up my game, as far as waxing poetic was concerned.

Of all the memories and moments of my adolescents...this is the most cherished. I hope that you enjoyed this.

This message was brought to you by the letter K..
The numbers 88 and 92...
...and by Facebook

Fresh, for 2009.....you SUCKAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!

Women's History Month: Nuestras hermanas

In honor of Women's History Month, this latest excerpt is from the essay/article "Reflections of Me: The Need For More Mirrors".  I highlight, and give reverence to, several strong women that I know who are working as activists in the media field to highlight and promotes Afro Latino/a issues from a woman's perspective; voice that is very much needed.


"I support and applaud the efforts of Dr. Marta Moreno-Vega, co-founder of the Caribbean Cultural Center and African Diaspora Institute, or CCCADI for short (www.cccadi,org).  I remember hearing about one of her books, "The Alter to my Soul" when I was a bit younger.  I also became aware of her film, "When the Spirits Dance Mambo", speaking on the spiritual practice of Santeria and Macumbre in Afro Cuban culture.  This strong activist sister does so much to express our African heritage throughout the Diaspora.  I wish that I could travel back home to New York, where CCCADI is based, to attend more of their events.  They consistently have film screenings, panel discussions, workshops, and so many other cultural events.

I would also like to give the spotlight to Crystal S. Roman and Apryl Lopez, the sisters behind the Black Latina Movement. (www.BlackLatinaMovement.com) They write and produce their own films and stage plays expressing Afro Latino culture, especially from a feminine perspective (a much needed voice, at that).  They have produced a documentary titled, "Memoirs of a Black Latina", and it has been successfully shown at a number of black film festivals, and independent screenings.  The documentary speaks to race and identity from the perspective of a Black Latina, told by four different emotions.  Their plays have appeared both on and off-Broadway, and have been successfully well received.  Their most recent stage play (that I am aware of) is titled, "Colors of Love", a love story revolving around four Afro Latino couples at different stages of the relationship.  We need more of our hermanos y hermanas telling our stories like these sisters are doing.

I also must represent for the ladies at Sister Outsider Entertainment (www.sistersoutsider.biz), co-founded by Julia Carias and authoress Sofia Quintero (aka Black Artemis).  They are also representing Latina voices in film, literature, and poetic verse.  They help to promote the works of Latina artists, giving voice and exposure to our authoresses and filmmakers.  A number of documentary films have been produced through this sisterly collective, and have held various screenings throughout the New York area of these films.    

The following excerpt if from my book "Raise Your Brown Black Fist 2: MORE Political Shouts of an Angry Afro Latino".  It is available online through my publisher Outskirts Press, Amazon.com, BooksAMillion.com, and Barnes & Nobles website.  You may also go to your local bookstore to have them order a copy.